Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Deep Thoughts from the Bachelor

Yes, I must admit that I watch the Bachelor. I have already heard it said that I have lost my man card. I understand how most guys can feel this way but I think there are tons of very important psychological items to chew over by watching the Bachelor.

Monday's night episode took place in San Francisco. The Bachelor, Jake, had several one-on-one dates with the ladies. The first one-on-one date was with a girl named Tenley. Tenley had been married before and her husband cheated on her so Jake was being cautious about whether or not Tenley was ready to fall in love again. Jake asked some questions about Tenley and her state of mind. After Jake's questions, Tenley posed a question that I think has me thinking about how I will tackle the difficult task of premarital counseling in the future. Tenley's question is, "What are your expectations of marriage or for a wife?"

This question is so deep on so many levels. First, Tenley made the comment that all people have expectations about marriage or about a spouse. I think often times people do have

preconceived notions about marriage but they do not articulate them before marriage. This creates many sources of frustration in the early days of marriage because we have expectations that we have not discussed with our spouse but we expect them to meet those or fulfill those.

Another point is that even though we think that we can understand what marriage is all about, we can never fully understand it until we are actually in it. You hear the same adage about not understanding what it's like to have kids until you have them. I agree 100%. You can give advice, you can share experiences, and you can try to prepare someone as much as you can but someone will not understand it completely until they are in it.

Another deep thought gained from the show was a quote from Vienna. Jake asked her what she thought marriage would be like? Vienna responded that she thought marriage would be like they were 2 16-year olds for the rest of their lives. I disagree with this sentiment so much. I want the spark, the passion to be there like we are young kids for the rest of my life. However, I believe that as you grow together, your relationship gets deeper and deeper. It changes. You go from young love, to an intimacy that makes you want to be a better person both for yourself but also for the one that you love.

The final deep thought that I learned from watching the Bachelor was how excited I was that one of the contestants was saving herself for marriage. Her name is Corrie. For me, it was so refreshing to hear that young women still believe in the sanctity of marriage. I was not raised in a Christian household but I hope that if I have daughters that they will have that choice for their lives and for their future spouse. And even though the Bachelor said that he respected her decision, he sent her packing. May she find the Man that God has in store for her!

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